Tonight was one of those nights where hesitation and indecision led to this. Me finally sitting down and writing a blog instead of a post. My kids tease me all the time about how my posts are like a blog. They keep saying – just blog already. I’m sure they will be so happy and proud of me :0)

Here is how it all began.

Today was a pretty typical day and yoga was in my plan for tonight, as usual. Came home from work and my daughter was heading to the gym. I love working out with her – she’s got energy and a workout all ready to go and keeps me moving and in good form. Carly’s pretty cut and dry with her time and was going to be in and out of the gym. Quickly moving from work to babysitting but making sure she got that workout in. I have been quite lazy with my workout schedule for the past few weeks. Totally inconsistent and I feel it. Met Carly at the gym and although I felt strong – I wasn’t motivated. We did arms and back and she was in and out. I was bouncing back and forth in my mind between doing cardio (you don’t have your headphones cardio will be torture – excuse), hitting yoga at the gym, or just calling it a day and going home early. But nope my conscious/ego/body wouldn’t let me. It was 4:10 and I thought about going to FIIT class at Grace and Glory – but I was craving a hot sweaty full flow and I was planning on Beach Bootcamp class Friday morning so FIIT was not making sense to me – too much working out after not enough. (haha typing this is almost a joke).  So I hesitated, yet again, and thought “nah” – I’ll go home make dinner and hit the 6 pm flow. The perfect little evening. (haha – another joke). The intention WAS there. But as I have learned intention without action is nothing.

Came home started dinner, was looking up clean eating recipes, looked at FB notifications (big mistake) and lost track of time. Then I see a post for yoga at the lighthouse in AC at 6:30 pm. My brain catalogued that and my heart was saying – go there! First practice there and the Lighthouse is beautiful. So many options – right!! So now 6 pm is not happening but 6:30 was still looking good. Looked up and it was pouring rain.  I listened to that little voice in my head, that made yet another excuse and thought going out in this rain was just plain crazy. So guess what no yoga for me. And I was feeling like a slug and now I was cranky – pissed at myself. I had missed so many opportunities because of hesitation. I was in my head beating myself up – just like I used to. A total waste of time.

I wasn’t buying “this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.” I needed to be on my mat and I knew it. So with dinner in the oven I went upstairs and rolled out my nice new Lulu and Youtubed a few Baron Baptiste practices I love and haven’t done for awhile. I was getting a flow in no matter what. I had wasted so much time ‘”hesitating and being indecisive”, by then I was just pure pissed off at myself. Here’s where the shift occurred. I came across a 30 minute JIP from Paige Elenson – if you don’t know Paige look her up she’s totally amazing- and I got really excited. This is what we did at Level Two and I thought wow this was a year ago! Celebrate. How cool is this? I was excited and I started to flow. Three Sun A’s in and I felt like a lead ball. Again – mad at myself for being out of my practice. No breath but mine. One voice -that I love- moving my body. Memories of Level Two. Focused on me. Form. An opportunity to put in all I learn, teach, and live on myself. Moved the stale, angry, doubtful energy in my body and got over my pity party real quick. Began to feel grateful for all that I had “missed” and without that I would have never had this experience. Received a few text messages from fellow yogis during this time thanking me for something or asking for a little help. And thought – yes, this is exactly where I am supposed to be and grateful for yoga. Before this my pity party would have lasted for days, weeks, months – gosh who knows. In the past – like for 20 years or so- hesitation and indecision have kept me living my life in doubt. I can’t. I’m not ready. It’s too late. I’m too old. I have too much to do. The kids need this Roy needs that. Blah. Blah. Blah. But yoga has me living my life in a creative intention into action – no hesitation kinda way which is much more fulfilling and lively.

This is the kicker – I felt myself slip back into old patterns and was NOT going back there. Well mission accomplished – got in my practice – shifted my energy and mindset – watched a video on blogging – and done. Indecision costs time and wastes energy. Life is too short. And I am too powerful.

Since this first draft which took a few sit downs to finish I am happy to announce I made it to Bootcamp class and went to a Kundalini Yoga Workshop (that’s a whole other blog post) and so worth memorializing my experience. Talk about a shift and intention into action. More to come stay tuned.

Today is November 10, 2015. I have been reading The Four Agreements and completely in awe of how it is landing on me at this time.

Law One – Be Impeccable With Your Word

This is not just the words that come out of your mouth to others, but more importantly the words you say to yourself. It is using your energy in the correct wy – the way you see it most effective. The way of truth and love for yourself. Funny the other day at practice before reading this I set the intention of self-love. Need to calm the storm in my head and in my life. Funny how there are times of peace and bliss when you look around and everything is going soooooo smoothly, and then times of “what else can possibly happen.” I just had this conversation with Carly last night how there are times we feel that everything is working against us. It’s not, it’s the way we perceive it. There is something to be learned from everything. You can either look at it and go into “story”, depression, beating yourself down even further – and really what good is that. OR, you choose to say ok what is the lesson here, be objective – see things for what they really are not what you make them to be – and find the nugget of the truth and how it leads you to your higher power.

We are the judge of our own character and who we are inside. We know that but allow ourselves to be infused by what others say to us, about us, what we see in social media, hear from our friends and others. This just poisons our minds and takes us away from our true center. Being impeccable with your word creates the space and the container to live a life of self-love first, that will then transcends to those around you. You need to have integrity with your word. Move from fear and jealousy, break the old agreements you had with yourself and transcend your level of existence to one of LOVE – Self-love first.

I am strong enough, smart enough, and brave enough to create anything I want. Being of service to my family is deepest in my core. Teaching is natural for me and I will take that gift that God gave me and use it in the way I am feeling called to do so. I will create the container to share and spread my passion for yoga and mindfulness to all I meet. The world needs it and I have it. Fear and self-doubt aside.

Be impeccable with your word.